


i wasn't gone, it was only harder to find me

by theyarenotfree



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Cuddling & Snuggling, Cute, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mentions of Cancer, Minor Character Death, Sad, Sleepy Cuddles, but its very brief, comment 'banana' if you see this, mentions of a family member dying, mentions of heart attacks, no one even reads tags, possible panic attack triggers, this moves wayyy too fast, wow im really making this sound like a great fic arent i
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-14
Updated: 2014-10-14
Packaged: 2018-02-21 03:51:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2453678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theyarenotfree/pseuds/theyarenotfree
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>louis owns a cheap hotel with good food and lumpy mattresses and harry just needs a vacation</p>
            </blockquote>





	i wasn't gone, it was only harder to find me

**Author's Note:**

> hello it is 2:43 am and i have school tomorrow ha ha ha. anyways this is for my love, katie. you are so amazing and special and i love you so much so i hope you like this even though it is so so bad. xx.
> 
> READ THE TAGS PLS!!! SOME PARTS MIGHT BE TRIGGERING (maybe. idk but just in case!!!) AND I WANT ALL YOU LOVELIES TO STAY SAFE!!! ASK ME QUESTIONS IN THE COMMENTS IF U ARENT SURE ABOUT ANYTHING!!! ILY!!!
> 
> (title is from the song chasing ghosts by imaginary future and the song from the dancing scene later is o children by nick cave & the bad seeds)

the tomlinson inn was the sort of place you would go if you didn’t mind spiders or domestic animals or broken hot water heaters.

 

and there was a big flower garden in the front and rocking chairs with chipping paint on the porch and a fireplace in the lobby and granny tomlinson made the best food and the rooms were quite homey.

 

the problem was that so many people were afraid of spiders or allergic to cats or _ew, it’s practically in the middle of the forest._

 

so for most of the year it was only louis and his dear grandmother and niall in the rustic hotel, even though louis didn’t even know what the hell niall was still doing there besides keeping the garden in check and helping clean and basically giving the whole place character, _god louis loved the kid to death_.

 

but there was always that one person who would come wandering into the lobby with a backpack and dead cell phone and would eventually fall for the inn’s inevitable charm.

 

louis really should be away at uni, sharing a flat with niall and partying like best mates are supposed to, but he fell for the inn’s inevitable charm himself at some point and now he can’t really bring himself to leave the old place and his granny and that damn cat that shouldn’t be named oliver (lucifer or satan is more like it).

 

but just when he almost built up the courage to leave, a new stranger walked through the door and louis was struck with an even greater need to get to know the person and make them feel comfortable and listen to their stories about their mother-in-law dropping hints about grandchildren or how their neighbor’s mail somehow keeps ending up mixed within their own bills and inappropriate magazines. it was tragic, really.

 

this time louis had all of his bags packed, the afternoon sun throwing orange shapes around the furniture, and he was pacing his own room because, _how will he tell granny,_ when he heard the cash register at the front _ding_ and niall’s distant footsteps puttering around a room to dust and make sure everything was in order.

 

so he sighed and plastered on a smile as he left his room and entered the lobby.

 

this guest was tall. freakishly tall, actually. he was wearing a navy blue bandanna tied around his head, evidently holding back his wild curly hair. he had on a double layer of plaid flannel shirts and sinfully skinny black jeans, ripped messily at the knees, and these leather boots that probably added an inch to his height.

 

louis took in his wide green eyes and pink lips and random tattoos peeking out from his clothes and concluded that he was the type of person who took pictures for a living and planted trees on arbor day and protested against producing more of the new iphone because it was made by seven year olds in china or some shit.

 

and louis wanted to know his story.

 

he wanted to know why he came here and what he loves and how he drinks his tea.

 

so louis stuck out his hand and introduced himself.

 

“my name’s harry.” the kid said with a smile and he had the kind of teeth louis was jealous of. ignoring the harry kid’s dimple, louis wrote down his name in the guest sign in book and grabbed him the key for the room right next to his own, hoping that was the one niall just checked on, and led the boy down the hall while simultaneously coming up with a game plan. so maybe he would just stay until this guest left.

 

“if you need any extra blankets or pillows, there’s a closet right at the end of the hallway. the fireplace in the lobby is always burning and the kitchen’s always open so help yourself. i’m in the room next door but if i don’t answer just scream and hope someone will hear you and help.”

 

the harry kid chuckled and nodded his head, making a few curls stick up and “thanks mate”.

 

“sure thing. oh and watch out for the cat. he’s a menace.”

and the harry kid just laughed again (he never really stopped), adjusted his shoulder bag, and threw louis a huge grin before he disappeared behind his hotel room door.

 

-

 

the next time they got a new guest was about eleven o’clock that night.

 

louis had been sipping some tea, sitting on the old fading couch by the fireplace. the whole lounge was lit with a warm glow and the burning wood cracked and flickered. it was the kind of night made for thinking and nothing else.

 

but then the screen door squeaked open and a dark haired bloke with dark skin and lots of dark clothes came in. louis turned and watched him with interest. the stubble on his face looked rough but his eyes were soft and gentle.

 

 _he probably writes poetry on thursday nights and keeps the window wide open in the winter_ , louis thought. the dark boy studied the books that lined the shelves around the lobby with bright eyes.

 

louis decided that, although he seemed quiet and a bit of an outcast, the dark boy was looking for something and he thought he was going to find it in the cozy desolation of the inn.

 

so without speaking, louis got up from the couch and picked up the next room key. before he led the dark boy to his room, louis scanned the shelves and found his favorite book, complete with dog eared pages and stains from spilled food.

 

he handed both over to the boy and they walked like silent ghosts through the dim hallway. the dark boy gave louis a grateful smile with crinkly eyes and a gratified posture and shut the door without so much as a whisper of wood on wood.

 

-

 

louis was sleeping when he heard the sound of a door closing harshly and quick footsteps. he sat up in the moonlight and listened to the sounds of the night.

 

“...so sorry...late…pets...a room?”

 

louis heard bits of conversation, muffled by the distance and walls and then niall’s distinct voice, “of course. follow me.”

 

louis’ eyes widened and he stumbled out of his tangled sheets, swiftly stepping out into the hall. he blinked his eyes until niall, a muscular brunette and a small fluffy black and white dog came into focus. that was about when he realized that he was only in his tight boxers.

 

_well shit._

 

“uh, sorry. you wanted a room?” louis mumbled because sleep was still heavy on his tongue and he was having a hard time thinking straight from his fatigue.

 

“it’s alright, louis. i’ve got it. go back to sleep.”

 

_niall was too good to him._

 

so louis closed his door on the dog guy and the dog and niall and fell asleep before he could even cover himself with his blanket again.

 

-

 

the morning brought the smell of bacon and fresh opportunity.

 

louis remembered to pull on some joggers and a jumper because they somehow had guests now. specifically three new guests. all in one day. a record, probably.

 

louis wasn’t even sure if they would have rooms left at the rate this was going. they had ten usable rooms but granny was staying in the biggest one, niall was staying in one of the regular ones and louis was staying in another. and if this kept up, they’d be full by the end of the night.

 

when louis sauntered into the lobby, he was surprised to see a full sized breakfast with pancakes, fruit salad, eggs, bacon, sausages, freshly brewed coffee and a warm kettle full of hot water for tea (well that part wasn’t very surprising) as well as the harry kid sitting in oliver the cat’s usual armchair.

 

he was stroking the cat while finishing off a cup of coffee. the same cat that gave louis a scar on his shin. the same cat that used to bite louis’ toes when he was asleep.

 

“good kitty” the harry kid cooed. it would probably be weird if it wasn’t so damn cute.

 

louis saw niall on the couch, a plate full of food. granny tomlinson was sorting some papers behind the front desk, probably confused because louis had somehow forgotten to sign in the last two guests last night. her glasses were perched low on her nose.

 

“morning, grandma.” louis yawned. niall and the harry kid both turned to grin at him. louis trapped his granny in a side hug and sloppily kissed her cheek, “thanks for breakfast. love you.”

 

she hugged him back quickly before slapping the back of his head and “love you too, you tosser. now eat up and get to work.”

 

“yes ma’am.”

 

so louis ate enough to leave a dent in the serving plates on the table and began to dust around the lobby. niall was already outside watering the flowers and soon the dark boy emerged from his room wearing startlingly non-dark clothes and helped himself to some breakfast. there was no sign of the dog guy or his dog but the harry kid was being terribly adorable with the cat, who seemed to just melt under his touch.

 

“oooolllllllliiiiiiivvvvvvveeeeeerrrrrrr…”

 

“meow. that’s what cats say. can you say it? _meow_.”

 

“kitty kitty.”

 

“peek-a-boo. you’re so soft, baby.”

 

“fluffy fluffy, i love you.”

 

“moew. say it. meeooowwww.”

 

“oliver you are quite possibly the best cat _ever_.”

 

“wook at your wittle paws dawww…”

 

louis watched the two out of the corner of his eye with amusement. the dark boy was smirking as he cut up his pancake into tiny pieces. suddenly there was a creaking sound and a small dog came bounding into the room.

 

“loki!”

 

the dog guy rushed into the room almost sluggishly. oliver had already leaped up in surprise and taken refuge in the harry kid’s bandanna-free curls. the dog man watched warily as his dog sniffed around the room a bit before returning to his master. with a huge sigh, the dog guy scanned the room until his eyes rested on louis.

 

“hello. i’m sorry i didn’t introduce myself last night. it was pretty late. i was out of it. uh, my name’s liam. this is my dog, loki. erm..the boy from before...niall, was it? he said pets were allowed…”

 

louis watched him speak with such confidence. his tongue seemed sure but he hid behind his dog and his eyes were sad. not the hopeless and desperate kind of sad. more like the kind of sad that will slowly eat you away without you realizing. so louis smiled enough for two because liam seemed to really need it.

 

“m’louis. and don’t worry about the time you got here. lucky niall woke to let you in. _i’m_ sorry you had to see me without trousers last night. and all pets are welcome. we’re lucky you have just a dog. we had a lady bring a lizard in once. now _that_ was a disaster.”

 

the boys chuckled in a way that was all soft but still rang in your ears and the harry kid still had the damn cat curled up on his head as he stood from the armchair to snatch a slice of bacon off the table before returning, the cat never flinching but mewling softly.

 

and louis probably had the laugh bubbling up behind his lips before but this kid was a _giant_. and he showed up here wearing _plaid_. and he had a _cat_ on his head. so louis kind of barked like a dog from the sheer force of withholding laugher and then the dark boy was chuckling and liam’s chest was heaving with his laughter and then niall walked in with flushed cheeks and polka dotted rainboots, took one look at harry, and bent over snickering.

 

they usually didn’t laugh at their guests. they really didn’t.

and the harry kid pouted with his pink lips but his dimple was cratering his cheek so louis knew he loved this. whatever this was.

 

when granny tomlinson saw the boys, she immediately scolded louis because he should “get to work” and it was _always_ louis’ fault.

 

so louis muttered a “yes granny” which actually threw everyone into another round of laughter. they acted like they had been friends for years. and it was quite homey if you asked louis. considering three of the five other people in the room were strangers.

 

he was replacing towels and toilet paper and soap when louis heard the singing.

 

it was just loud enough to pass through the wall but too quiet to pass through louis’ heart. in other words, louis had to go investigate like the brilliant detective he was.

 

he followed the sounds into the kitchen and saw the fucking harry kid spinning his granny around and slow dancing with her like a proper sap while he sang all deep and slow and she giggled maniacally. he was singing one of those old songs that only your grandparents should know and his voice was making louis’ chest vibrate.

 

and louis would be damned if he interrupted this moment that seemed too sweet and dainty for his own good so he tiptoed away, making a whole lot more noise leaving then he did coming in. there was always room for another charming little shit at the tomlinson inn.

 

on his way back to the work that he probably pretended to hate more than he actually did, the dark boy’s door opened and he stepped out, holding the book louis had lent him and they both froze.

 

then the dark boy spoke.

 

“uh. thanks. for the book, i mean. it was really moving. and thanks for being real cool. it helps, y’know.”

 

and louis wasn’t sure if he did know. but he could see the way the boy’s thumb ran over the raised letters on the cover of the book and his eyes didn’t look away from louis’ at all.

so “don’t mention it. hey, why don’t you keep it. the book. i’ve read it enough times.”

 

the dark boy looked at the book in his hands as if it was a gift from god himself. as if it was the answer to all of his problems—what he was looking for and what he had all along. as if it was more than just a pile of paper with ink on it.

 

“i’m zayn.”

 

and that sounded like a _thank you_ to louis.

 

“i’m louis.”

 

they smiled at each other as if there was actually something to smile about but there probably was. (louis sure hoped so). and they separated without a goodbye or hesitation because there was something so final about the situation and that was all, really.

 

-

 

lunch brought more laughter and small conversations. the july weather was warming up so zayn wore a short sleeved shirt, showing off his arm full of tattoos. they were different from the ones louis had on his arms. zayn’s were expressive and cartoony and really seemed to mean something.

 

louis never liked explaining his tattoos. if you put them all together they would tell louis’ whole life story and he didn’t like anyone to know that much about him. at least not complete strangers.

 

the harry kid had tattoos too.

 

he came to lunch with dripping hair and a bare chest and louis had never seen anything like them. some were small and some were big. they spotted his body almost randomly. a ship. a greenbay packers logo. two swallows below his collar bones. _a fucking butterfly_.

 

they made louis’ head spin. and as much as he told himself he wanted to take this slow and let these people open up at their own pace, he had to ask.

 

“why do you have a butterfly on your tummy?”

 

and then the harry kid went into this whole conversation about freedom and untouchable beauty and transformation and innocence and change as if he had been waiting for this conversation his whole life.

 

liam showed off his few tattoos and then zayn pointed out one of his favorites that he said was his girlfriend. louis kind of felt weird about that because why would zayn want to permanently ink someone who might not always be there on his skin. maybe that’s just because his own ex cheated on him and he had wept for days. zayn assured him that they would get married one day and louis noted the way that liam closed off after that and pulled loki into his lap with a sober look.

 

niall just sat there smiling like an idiot with his ink free skin and damn purity.

 

-

 

liam hadn’t come to dinner that night. he hadn’t really come out of his room at all actually.

 

louis found out that zayn smokes.

 

only because he disappeared outside for about an hour with a book and a tired expression, and when he returned the smell surrounded him and clung to his clothes.

 

nobody had talked during dinner.

 

louis went to knock on liam’s door just to see if he was hungry but quietly retreated when he heard the sniffles.

 

it was none of his business.

 

zayn had eaten outside and niall went out with his plate too, because niall was just that kind of person. their rocking chairs creaked and louis could hear granny washing dishes in the kitchen.

 

the harry kid and him sat on the couch that smelled like stale cigarettes, not facing each other or speaking at all. it was a nice kind of quiet for a while. relaxing. louis stared into the fire and the harry kid leaned his head back and closed his eyes with a still bare chest.

 

that is until louis set his clean plate on the coffee table with a near echoing sound and the harry kid cleared his throat almost awkwardly.

 

“so what about _your_ tattoos?”

 

louis wasn’t entirely sure he wanted to have this conversation.

 

“they don’t really mean anything.”

 

but louis didn’t really even believe himself.

 

“you’re telling me that you tattooed things that mean absolutely nothing to you all over your body?” the harry kid wasn’t buying it. louis sighed. not defeated exactly. just tired.

 

“i dunno. it’s hard to explain. a long story, i guess. i wish i didn’t have to look at them sometimes. i mean i don’t regret any of them, but when you grow up your values change and all that. i just stopped running my fingers over them when i was alone at night.”

 

but nobody ever understood louis’ explanations and the harry kid had a crease between his eyebrows and was tilting his head to the side as if all the confusion from louis’ cryptic words would run out of his ear and clear his head.

 

“well you have to like some of them. at least one has to be important to you. your favorite.” the harry kid pressed on.

 

and louis’ fingers automatically went to the top of his chest and two big green eyes followed the movement.

 

“what is it?”

 

louis turned back to the fire and tried to disregard the rushing sound in his ears.

 

“is it on your chest?”

 

 _if you ignore your problems they’ll go away._ that’s what louis likes to tell himself.

 

“louis?”

 

damn it.

 

“what, harold?” louis asked sharply. louis was never rude to guests. never. it’s not a thing. it’s just the way harry’s eyes got all wide and his lips almost fucking pouted, god.

 

“can i see your tattoo?”

 

and harry had whispered it so soft that it could have disappeared into the nighttime wind. their eyes locked and louis became hyper aware of how close they were on the couch. louis’ head barely moved. just a faint nod. harry was barely close enough that he caught it.

 

louis trailed his fingers across the bottom of his t-shirt. the fire was warm and harry made his cheeks heat up but his hands still shook.

 

harry’s breath hitched and louis almost missed the sound. niall laughed somewhere outside and granny tomlinson was humming and crickets chirped, a symphony of background music replaying in louis’ head.

 

his hands clenched around the hem of his shirt in two little fists, pale skin stretched across his knuckles tightly. harry swallowed and his own hands moved to cover louis’.

 

this was all so fucking bizarre and this had never happened with a guest at the hotel before but harry made louis feel like his chest was full of helium.

 

harry helped louis lift his shirt over his head, giving louis time to back out. he didn’t, of course. backing out just wasn’t louis.

 

soon both louis and harry were shirtless and louis was some kind of human balloon and harry’s eyes were so so bright in the firelight. he looked down to the skin right under louis’ collar bones and his dimple appeared as he read.

 

 _it is what it is_.

 

and the one thing that louis had that was personal to him- _that meant anything at all_ -was now harry’s too. he didn’t know how to feel about that.

 

light fingertips ran over the ink, almost not even there.

 

and harry looked about seven years old, he was so young. disregarding the fact that he was a good head taller than louis. but he was too cheeky for his own good and he couldn’t possibly know how unfair the world was. couldn’t possibly understand. not yet, at least.

 

harry’s breath was tickling louis’ chest. not the laughing kind of tickle. not even the squirming kind. it was the kind of tickle that made goosebumps rise across louis’ skin and made him shiver at the base of his spine.

 

“it st-started with my girlfriend. she broke my heart. cheated on me. i was so sad. started getting drunk all the time. until i realized i was gay.”

 

louis let out a harsh laugh that made harry flinch. louis wanted to bite his lip just so he could hold everything in. he’d bite it till it bled. louis was so stupid.

 

“i beat myself up about it. it was niall who knocked some sense into me. he said ‘louis. louis, you gotta stop this shit. who the hell cares what parts you like. this is your life and you don’t have to change for anybody. you are you and it is what it is.’ a fucking genius, he is.”

 

harry let out a shaky breath that calmed louis down more than anything. he pulled his bottom lip between his teeth and brought louis’ arm closer to his face. a compass. a teacup. a skateboarding stick figure. quotation marks. all things louis couldn’t bring himself to regret.

 

“what about these?”

 

and yeah. what about those.

 

“a lot of them tell a story. or used to, at least. the rest are what you could call my addiction.”

 

harry brought the marked skin to his lips and it was as if the two of them had actually had a proper conversation before this.

 

it was something about the inn. something about how it made everything smaller and bigger at the same time. how it was so quiet when you wanted to speak but loud when you didn’t. it was the kind of place where it was okay to be this close to a stranger and act like life was endless.

 

and harry was _so_ lovely.

 

“i like the pain. they’re my scars, i s’pose”

 

harry nodded like that was normal and his lips were still brushing over the skin as he watched louis.

 

“i’ve got a few like that too.” harry admitted.

 

but louis didn’t want to think about harry ever being in enough pain to want to get a tattoo just because it hurt. that was too much and harry was too young and this was so different.

 

all louis ever wanted to do was fix people. they got guests at the inn who were sad or lost or broken and louis brushed them off and laced them up again. louis loved being the glue. and no one had ever mentioned that louis seemed to need some glue of his own.

 

but then here comes harry and “you don’t need to do this. you’re so beautiful. you can’t even see it.”

 

his hands fell down to louis’ waist and louis let out a whimper that was more like _‘if self pity was a game i would win every time.’_

 

harry helped louis stand and they walked out of the lobby with shaky legs and harry’s hand on louis’ elbow. they separated into their own rooms and it kind of felt like a metaphor.

 

louis’ sheets were colder than harry’s lips and louis was hanging by a thread that really only consisted of drowsy murmurs, midnight whispers and dreamy secrets passed on through the thin walls.

 

-

 

the next morning felt different. as if they had entered an entirely different universe through their sleep.

 

it was raining. storming, really. the rain made the windows steam up and the front door rattle. there had always been a leak in the roof but when it rained, the water would trickle across the ceiling and drip into the corner.

 

louis pulled a big red bucket from behind the counter and placed it under the dripping water, making the plopping sound ring throughout the room.

 

it was early but louis could hear a muffled guitar and humming from the front porch.

 

he made a quick cup of tea and grabbed the wool blanket from the back of the couch before stepping outside.

 

the chill made him shiver but it was so warm with niall strumming his guitar and liam smiling once again and granny watching oliver as he tried to get harry’s attention. zayn was still sleeping but harry was humming and sipping his own tea and he was wearing a big knit jumper.

 

there was one more empty rocking chair and a spot next to harry on the swinging bench so louis squeezed in beside the warm boy and didn’t mind a bit that their thighs and arms brushed.

 

the music was blending in with the beat of the rain and liam was tapping his foot somewhere across the porch, creating a sort of watery sound that made louis’ fingers go numb. but then harry was humming again and he sang right into louis’ ear with his raw voice.

 

it was like louis went deaf to everyone but harry.

 

he turned to watch harry’s lips shape around the words and he remembered last night when harry had used those lips to kiss louis’ tattoos in the firelight.

 

harry had his eyes shut but, as if he knew louis was watching, his hand felt around until he could grab louis’ and tangle their fingers together.

 

they were still fucking strangers but louis just needed something to hold on to. something tall and warm and beautiful.

 

so louis forced himself to look away at the blur of falling water and sing. he was quiet at first. naturally. but his voice grew powerful and bled in with harry’s until they were in perfect harmony.

 

the rain made everything cold and sharp but louis’ hand was warm and his voice was soft, all because of harry.

 

then granny went to start breakfast and zayn appeared in the doorway with a steaming mug and a small smile.

 

and they all just sort of belonged here. at the inn. with tea and the distant smell of food and a guitar between them.

 

and when the song ended, they basked in the quiet and listened to the rain sing a song of its own.

 

granny brought them plates of food later and left them to just sit and _be_.

 

there was this thing in the air, almost like satisfaction or contentment, and louis wasn’t sure if the others could feel it.

 

but it was there. it was seeping into louis’ bones and making him smile. something made louis think that part of the feeling was coming from the fingers still wrapped around his.

 

and nobody mentioned how harry was eating awkwardly with his left hand, missing his mouth when he tried to put his fork between his lips.

 

then louis told them about the time in year 7 when him and his mates made a band and performed for the school. that was before he had befriended niall, but both of them remembered how the band sounded like absolute shit.

 

and louis explained that his favorite line in the song they had written, and maybe one of the only good lines, was ‘beautiful eyes and stormy weather, you can’t deny yourself forever’ and that just. yeah.

 

thunder rumbled somewhere and harry stared at louis. his eyes were frustratingly intense and louis probably should have been more creeped out than he actually was.

 

_beautiful eyes._

the sky had darkened quite a bit and the rain had slanted and begun to pool in the grass. there was a large crack of lightning and louis’ hand tightened around harry’s.

 

_stormy weather._

they made their way inside without really having to speak. the fire was already roaring and the water was boiling. zayn pulled a book of poetry off the shelf and huddled on the floor, beginning to read out loud with a caressing voice. niall curled up next to zayn and liam took the armchair so louis and harry tangled themselves on the couch. louis even didn’t feel weird about having someone he barely knew pressed to his side, playing with his hair, and breathing down his neck.

 

_you can’t deny yourself forever._

 

-

 

 the storm settled down a while later and louis really wished they had a television at this dumpy hotel so they could watch movies all day.

 

granny suggested the record player in her room and harry helped to carry it by the fireplace.

 

he flipped through the records and placed the vinyl on the turntable, adjusted the needle and started it up.

 

a jazzy, slow song began to play and harry held out his hand to granny tomlinson.

 

“time for round two?”

 

granny giggled and took harry’s hand, which dwarfed her own small one. harry gently held her waist and pulled her closer.

 

_my dear, my darling one._

 

they swayed around the room, twirling and laughing as the others watched fondly.

 

_they’re mopping up the butcher’s floor._

louis sighed and pulled niall up from the ground.

 

_of your broken little hearts._

niall smiled so wide his face seemed to glow. he took louis’ waist, making louis play the part of the girl, and danced to the music.

 

_oh children._

harry winked at louis from across the room when he noticed more people had started dancing. louis blushed, of fucking course.

 

_forgive us now for what we’ve done._

zayn dropped his head in defeat, but couldn’t hold back a smile as he grabbed liam and they joined in.

_it started out as a bit of fun._

 

loki barked and ran around the room, tail wagging. oliver hid on top of the bookshelf. he was possibly the most antisocial animal ever.

 

_oh children._

 

niall made louis do a dip and ended up dropping him on the ground. the laughter sounded good with the music and zayn helped louis up while niall twirled liam.

_lift up your voice, lift up your voice._

the smell of smoke and old books and broken promises filled louis’ nose. zayn let louis be the man this time, his arms resting on louis’ shoulders.

_rejoice, rejoice._

loki nosed his way between louis’ legs and tried to jump into zayn’s arms, unsuccessfully.

_we’re older now, the light is dim._

louis quietly excused himself and made his way to harry and granny. he placed a hand on harry’s shoulder and “quit hogging her, harold.”

_and you are only just beginning._

 

harry pecked granny on the cheek and smirked at louis as he skipped away to grab niall’s waist. louis smiled at his granny.

 

_we have the answer to all your fears._

granny stroked his cheek gently and shook her head. “why are you here, lou? why don’t you go do something great?”

_he’s found the answer that we lost._

“i am doing something great. helping people. giving them a break from everything. a-a second home.” they stepped around loki who had given up and collapsed on the ground.

_we’re all weeping now, weeping because._

“no. you have to leave this place. go to the real world sometime. i don’t want to hold you back. i don’t want it to be too late.”

 

_there ain’t nothing we can do to protect you._

louis pulled his grandma into a hug. they stopped swaying and just breathed each other in.

_hey little train, we’re all jumping on._

this was it. this was his excuse to leave. just take niall and run as far away as possible.

_the train that goes to the kingdom._

but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. right now, moments like these, were what made this place worth it. this was why louis loved it here.

_i was once blind but now i see._

and louis belonged here. there was no better place for him.

 

_have you left a seat for me._

 

he shook his head and squeezed his granny tighter. she sighed and ran a hand through his hair. she was getting older. her face wrinkled by time. but she had these eyes that made it seem like she was still a child. she had passed those on to louis and he was so grateful.

_hey little train, wait for me._

“now go dance with that boy. could you two be any more obvious?”

_i was held in chains but now i’m free._

harry was at louis’ side in seconds. they melted together, harry’s chin resting on top of louis’ head which was resting against harry’s chest which was moving slightly with his breaths which were _fast_ , nervous breaths.

_i’m hanging in there, don’t you see._

louis’ hand brushed over a few tattoos on harry’s arm and they held each other closer than before.

_we’re happy, ma, we’re having fun._

niall was laughing across the room as he spun in a circle with liam and zayn. granny was sitting at the dining room table with a flushed face and a glass of water. louis breathed in against harry’s shirt.

_and the train ain’t even left the station._

they kept dancing even when the song ended.

 

-

 

when the sun set, granny went to bed and zayn smoked more cigarettes. the clouds from earlier had thinned out so they all sat on the porch and looked at the stars. louis asked to try zayn’s cigarette and he coughed immediately, gasping and laughing through the smoke.

 

“s’not for everyone.”

 

louis nodded and wished on a star. _harryharryharry._

 

crickets chirped and harry yawned. oliver shifted where he was splayed out in harry’s lap. louis smacked a mosquito off his arm and decided to pry more.

 

“so why did you guys come to this particular hotel? running away from something i should know about?”

 

liam was the first to react, clambering up onto his feet and scooping loki up in his arms.

 

“i’m tired, guys. night.”

 

louis stared at the screen door long after liam had passed through it and ran all the way to his room. his wide eyes found niall’s, a look of alarm passing through his face.

 

“d-did i say something wrong? i-”

 

niall gave louis a small smile and placed a hand on his shoulder. always comforting.

 

“i’ll go talk to him, lou. it’ll be okay, don’t worry.” niall whispered as soft as the trees swaying.

 

niall was gone in a flash and louis couldn’t look away from the door. this was the opposite of what was supposed to happen. he always seemed to say something stupid.

 

“hey, louis.” harry sounded concerned.

 

louis kept looking for any sign or liam or niall or even his granny coming out to say that liam was packing his things and leaving.

 

harry grabbed louis’ hand almost desperately. louis turned to see this worried look in harry’s eyes that made his eyebrows furrow. no this was all wrong.

 

zayn stepped on the butt of his cigarette and cleared his throat, “g’night lads. liam’ll be fine, don’t worry.”

 

and then zayn was gone too and louis couldn’t help the feeling in his gut that made him think they were just moving backwards.

 

he pulled his knees into his chest and sat curled up in a ball. he was feeling like he used to in school, so alone. so small in this world. sometimes at night, when he thought too hard, louis would feel like this. even here, at this sanctuary from the real world.

 

louis didn’t really hear anything because he kinda felt like he might be squashed at anytime. he could still taste zayn’s cigarette, heavy on his tongue. he had to get back to his room. he had to listen to some slow music and watch the moon through his window and hear the crickets outside and smell the musky bed sheets.

 

harry put an arm around louis’ shoulder, barely, not even touching him really, but it only made louis feel smaller. he flinched away, gasping and hiding his face.

 

“louis? do you...do you want me to get niall?”

 

louis nodded the best he could at the moment. the screen door opened and shut quietly. if louis really listened he could almost hear the sound of harry talking under his breath rapidly.

 

niall was at his side before harry even finished, considering how long it usually took harry to get a word out.

 

“lou. louis, he’s fine. liam’s okay. zayn’s okay. everyone’s okay. they’re just tired. alright. they just need some sleep.”

 

louis’ shoulders shook. niall knew not to touch him until he said it was alright.

 

“come inside. please don’t do this. we have guests, louis.”

 

right. they had guests. and he could feel harry’s gaze on his hunched back. no, harry couldn’t see him like this. louis untangled himself from his own limbs and reached a hand out for niall, who led him inside.

 

louis stopped at the couch and sat down, staring at the fire. he heard niall start playing a record softly.

 

“i was just talking with liam. do you want me to take you to bed. we could cuddle for a bit. or i could stay out here with you. whatever you want, lou.”

 

louis had to think about this. because a cuddle sounded so good right now, but liam might be waiting for niall and he didn’t want to ruin things even more by freaking out further so “no, no, go finish talking with liam. i’ll be alright.”

 

harry spoke up for the first time, “i could maybe stay with him. i mean if that’s okay and everything.”

 

niall studied harry for a few seconds. louis didn’t even need to be looking at him to know this.

 

“is that okay with you, lou?”

 

is that okay.

 

louis thought of harry’s tattoos and his big eyes and crazy hair.

 

“yeah, harry, that’s.. yeah.” he reached a hand towards harry, who took it gently. when he looked up at the tall boy, he noticed how concerned harry looked. that won’t do.

 

“come cuddle with me, curly.”

 

niall glanced back warily on his way to liam’s room. louis reassured him with a smile. well, he tried to.

 

harry led louis to his room, almost like the first night. but better, because harry came into the room with him.

 

louis turned on his special playlist and turned off all the lights. he pulled harry into his side when he sprawled out on the bed. harry was cautious.

 

“i’m okay, by the way.”

 

louis felt like he should just come right out and tell harry that.

 

harry shifted and cleared his throat a bit awkwardly.

 

“does that, like, happen often?”

 

louis wanted to kiss harry and shut him up a little bit.

 

“not usually. i mean, it used to happen more before i came here. when i was still in school. just some anxiety. i just overreact a lot, is all. i can usually deal with it. niall is so helpful. what the fuck would i do without him?”

 

harry chucked deep in his chest and louis felt it. god, louis really wanted to kiss him.

 

“oh, and to answer your question from before..” harry smiled sweetly, his teeth reflecting off the moonlight.

 

“what question?”

 

“you know, ‘why did you guys come to this hotel specifically?’”

 

louis felt his chest get tight again at the memory. but harry was holding him and he wasn’t small, not now.

 

“yeah.” louis whispered, barely there.

 

“well, i needed a vacation.”

 

louis waited.

 

and waited.

 

and, “that’s it?”

 

harry blushed and laughed and cuddled in closer, like a cat. speaking of cats, louis didn’t remember seeing oliver recently. hopefully he got inside safely. uh oh, granny would murder him if her poor old cat got left outside for the night. especially if it rained again. oh man, he was dead.

 

“louis” harry nudged louis’ shoulder.

 

“what, sorry.”

 

“it’s fine. i just. it’s not some cool story where i’m on the run from a drug lord or i robbed a bank or murdered a child or something. basically i had the worst week ever. my boyfriend broke up with me and then my neighbor was being a prick. he kept yelling at me for burning the cookies i was baking because apparently he could smell them all the way from his house. but the only reason they were burning was because he kept letting his dog shit in my lawn. fucking dickhole.”

 

louis giggled, a tiny little sound, into harry’s neck.

 

“are you laughing at my pain, louis?”

 

 

“no, of course not,” louis said in between giggles, “i mean i’m sorry about your boyfriend and all that, but did that really happen with your neighbor? the dickhole thing?”

 

“yes it did. not everyone’s lives are as boring as yours.”

 

louis hid his smile the best he could with harry staring at him intensely.

 

“and my boyfriend was also a dickhole. i’m okay now.”

 

harry said this with these hopeful eyes, looking right at louis. it gave him shivers.

 

“so you actually just wanted a vacation. that’s all there is to it.”

 

harry stretched his neck out and ran his fingertips along louis’ spine, adams apple bobbing and eyelashes fluttering.

 

“yep.”

 

his face was so close to louis. so open and selfless, just willing to give give give.

 

so louis leaned in and took took took. their lips connected without a sound, minus harry’s sigh of relief. louis ran his hands over harry’s chest, making him arch his back. their tongues slid together and harry rolled so he was hovering over louis, supporting his weight on his forearms and knees.

 

louis felt his throat vibrate with a moan as their teeth clicked against each other’s and harry rubbed louis’ hip through his shirt. they pulled apart and louis resisted squealing because that was probably the _best kiss ever_.

 

louis panted and “why do i feel like i’ve known you my entire life?”

 

harry shook his head as he caught his breath, “it’s this fucking place. it’s like, magic. i never want to leave.”

 

louis smiled devilishly and ran his fingers through harry’s hair. he brought their lips back together by his grip on the back of harry’s neck, just for a second, before rubbing their noses together.

 

“then don’t.”

 

-

 

louis woke up to an empty bed.

 

it bothered him a bit at first and he couldn’t help feeling that maybe he just messed another thing up until he saw a purple flower placed delicately on the pillow harry had used. next to it was a handwritten note on a ripped index card.

 

‘wake up, sleepy head. –h’

 

louis smiled so hard his cheeks started to hurt. and he was pretty sure he fell asleep making out with harry last night which was kind of awesome.

 

god louis had to get a hold of himself.

 

-

 

there was no breakfast this morning. there was, however, a stern looking niall who had a very frightened harry backed into a corner. his voice was low and so so different than his usual laughter.

 

“…you _ever_ hurt him, even a little bit, i swear to all the gods out there that i will find you, and i will murder you a million times until you are pleading for mercy and you can’t handle being murdered even one more time. do you understand me, you little shit? he is my best friend and you will take care of him the best you can, because i know you two could be good together and i swear on my _life_ that-“

 

“niall.”

 

there was a brief moment of silence that seemed to soak into louis’ pores and then niall was hurrying out of the room with a blushing face, muttering something about watering the flowers.

 

there was no sign of liam or zayn, but louis tried to think of something else, anything else please.

 

harry was there and he was beautiful. he was always beautiful.

 

“hey.” harry said, scratching the back of his neck, as if what happened a few seconds ago could just vanish.

 

louis rolled his eyes, which he was very good at, and poured himself a cuppa from the warm kettle which was, luckily sitting on the table.

 

“so. the boyfriend talk?” louis said between sips.

 

harry smiled at the ground and didn’t say a word. louis was smug. but he pecked harry on the cheek anyways and pressed his face against his chest.

 

“ew, you guys are adorable.” zayn sauntered into the room, cracking his neck.

 

louis and harry didn’t move an inch. with his face still pressed against harry like his life depended on it, louis spoke.

 

“so you don’t hate me?”

 

zayn’s eyes went wide for a second before confusion took over.

 

“what? ‘course not. why would you think that?”

 

“because you left without answering why you came here and i dunno. i was just being nosy and i’m sorry if that was way too pushy because i’ll totally back off and-“

 

“jesus, louis. calm your tits. i got fired from my job. that’s why i’m here. had to get away for a bit. blow off some steam.”

 

louis was so so stupid.

 

“but what about your girlfriend?” harry questioned. louis had almost forgotten about her. and now zayn had this almost guilty look that put louis’ teeth on edge.

 

“i didn’t exactly tell her. i actually said i was going on a little business trip. it’s just-what if she leaves me after she finds out?”

 

louis felt horrible for ever trying to force answers out of zayn. he would have told him eventually. zayn needed the reassurance and louis had to provide it.

 

“well then she’s not worth it. and you can stay here and work at the hotel and become a hermit like me and niall.”

 

zayn let out a relieved laugh. he nodded and made some tea for himself and, “so no breakfast then?”

 

louis pulled himself away from harry and glanced into the kitchen. granny hadn’t made anything.

 

“guess not. dunno where my granny is.”

 

harry had sat down in the armchair and oliver was in his lap within seconds. louis was just glad oliver was okay.

 

“niall said he thinks she ran to the store or something.”

 

harry shrugged. but no, that wasn’t right. i mean, sure, she did that sometimes but..

 

“..no, she would’ve told me…”

 

harry pursed his lips and “maybe she was going to but she saw that i was with you and didn’t want to wake us. lou it’s okay.”

 

louis just shook his head and ignored zayn’s “you guys slept together? wow i didn’t even hear you moaning.”

 

“w-we didn’t have sex, zayn.” harry sputtered. no, no, no. this was all wrong. this was not right at all.

 

louis got this feeling in his gut, kind of like he was on board the titanic listening to the sad mix niall had made him on repeat and watching those commercials with the abused animals and hungry children over and over and over again.

 

 _no, i can’t help them. i have no money i work in a fucking run down motel in the middle of nowhere what do you even expect me to do and—oh god, not_ this _song again. this one kills me every time. wait a second, why is the room flooding? why do i feel like i could die at any moment? this ship was supposed to be unsinkable._

louis’ eyes found harry, like they always seemed to, and he tried to tell him something, tried to let him know that there was something wrong. sos, _please_. it was that feeling and this thing hanging in the air that was thicker than zayn’s cigarette smoke and hotter than the very sun, this was bad. very bad. and louis didn’t even know yet.

 

he made his way to his granny’s room, not wanting to, but moving his feet anyways. louis hoped, more than anything, that he was just overreacting again. he did that a lot, after all.

 

it was after a few minutes of pounding and yelling her name that he opened the door. by then, niall and even liam were watching the commotion, along with zayn and harry.

 

harry, who didn’t even know what to do right now. because louis could be wrong. but he still had that feeling. and the smell of grandmother hit him like maybe louis was supposed to bottle it up and give it to his children. some sort of treasure.

 

it took one look at his granny sprawled out peacefully in bed for louis to fall to his knees and gasp because he could not _breathe_ right now.

 

“call the police. someone-oh my god.”

 

-

 

the body was moved in ten minutes. it was labeled a “heart attack in the night” and was apparently “going to happen eventually”.

 

louis realized he couldn’t taste anything anymore when he was handed some black coffee and crackers. he threw them up later.

 

the ambulances left and louis couldn’t hear anything. harry’s mouth moved and niall’s mouth moved and there were no words. louis couldn’t even hear himself cry anymore.

 

harry wrapped a blanket around him and niall spilled tears on liam’s shirt when louis stopped smelling cigarettes and harry’s shampoo and the grandmother still in the air.

 

louis was done making any noise, though he couldn’t hear himself anyways, about an hour later, when his tears had gone dry and niall had fallen asleep in liam’s arms and zayn’s tears had smudged the ink in his poetry book.

 

it was when louis could no longer feel harry holding his hand or the lump lodged in the back of his throat or the cold draft in the room or that _feeling_ still hanging in the air that his eyes slipped shut and he wondered if this was dying.

 

-

 

louis woke up in his room alone for the second time that day. he almost wished he hadn’t woken up at all. there was no note from harry. no flower. no sweet expectations.

 

louis curled up under the thick covers and started crying again.

 

it was like his body couldn’t yet figure out why it was crying, couldn’t yet feel the loss. louis sensed the disbelief.

 

this was not supposed to happen. granny should have had many years left. this only happens in real life and this _place_ was so so different.

 

louis’ sobs were dry and they hurt his throat. he could be laughing at how much he sounded like a dying animal. that was what the real louis would do. (because this was not louis, louis didn’t do this).

 

the door opened, just barely, and niall slipped in. louis wondered how loud he was crying.

 

niall climbed into bed with louis and wrapped his arms around him. he was always warm and soft and excellent at cuddling but louis was still having trouble feeling.

 

niall was being the glue right now. louis had lost his grandmother and niall had lost the woman who took him in, let him _stay._ they had both cried. they both had prayed to god to bring her back.

 

but niall was strong enough to pull himself back together. now he was pulling louis back together. all this time louis wanted some glue. now he had some. but why did it take the death of his grandmother for it to show up?

 

“it’s dinner time, lou. we made some mac and cheese. c’mon.”

 

dinner. louis had slept through the whole day and he couldn’t bring himself to care.

 

niall helped him out of bed and steadied him when he wobbled on his feet. everyone was seated around the table in the dining room, whispering as if talking any louder would break something fragile in the room.

 

they didn’t even know granny. they had no right to be sad.

 

louis looked at the unnatural orange colored macaroni and he wanted to throw up again. that was nothing like granny’s food. she was gone but she wasn’t all gone and it was giving louis a stomach ache.

 

louis was handed a bowl of the radioactive-looking food and tried to hold it down.

 

the room was silent while they ate. louis stood up from his chair so abruptly, he nearly toppled the whole table over. all eyes were on him as he stomped towards the record player and switched it on, just for some background noise.

 

niall was giving him those stupid concerned puppy dog eyes and louis was sick of it all. he seated himself back at the table and glared at him until niall grew uncomfortable and broke his gaze. liam and zayn kept their heads bowed low.

 

it was harry that louis couldn’t bear to look at. he didn’t want harry to think he was weak but he could do without him thinking louis was a heartless bitch as well.

 

however louis had emptied his bowl and had nothing left to distract him. he raised his eyes to glance at harry, who was staring at louis with this unreadable, intense look.

 

damn it. harry and his magical eyes. louis was so screwed. from the minute that oversized kid stumbled into this stupid inn wearing way too much plaid.

 

louis held harry’s gaze and felt his mask melting off his face. his jaw softened and his whole body became heavy. louis blinked and felt a hundred years older. harry’s expression didn’t change. all he did was nod his head, just barely. and it made louis want to hug him as hard as he could.

 

it was as if harry was acknowledging louis’ strength. the strength that was fading away very quickly, to be honest. but harry understood how hard it was to walk out here. to swallow this crap food and touch that record player.

 

louis sighed and closed his eyes tightly. _hold yourself together, louis._

 

from across the table, zayn bit his bottom lip and inhaled deeply, always deeply, “i know it’s sad, lou, but it’s necessary. if nothing ever died then we would drown in life. everyone would grow so old and sad. that doesn’t make it okay and that doesn’t make it better but it gives you a reason when you find yourself awake in the middle of the night, screaming at the moon and pleading ‘why?’.”

 

louis nodded for the sake of zayn’s reputation for good advice. then he cleared his throat and left the table without excusing himself or putting his dishes in the sink. his granny would disown him.

 

he slammed his bedroom door behind him and collapsed into bed. he had slept all day and he was still so tired.

 

-

 

when louis woke up later that night, the clock on his bedside table read three twenty-four and there was a suspicious scratching sound coming from the hallway.

 

louis groaned and made himself get up to stop the racket. the hallway was too dark. nobody had lit the fireplace in the lobby that night. his granny always liked to keep it burning for the warmth and the smell and the dim lighting, just in case guests couldn’t sleep.

 

louis switched on the hallway light to find oliver all alone, scratching at his granny’s bedroom door, which was closed. and probably wouldn’t be opened for a while.

 

louis sighed as he scooped up the cat and turned the light back off.

 

he closed his door behind him and carried oliver into bed with him. the cat whined and curled himself into a ball by louis’ side.

 

it was then that louis realized that oliver had lost granny too. sure, liam, zayn and harry had known her for a few days. but they weren’t close with her at all. and niall had been working at the inn for a while, but he had his own granny. his grief just wasn’t the same as louis’ grief.

 

but oliver was granny’s cat. she was the one who took care of him and pet him and bought him treats. she gave him a home and all of her love. oliver understood.

 

louis cuddled closer to the little fluff ball and took a deep breath.

 

“i know how you feel.”

 

oliver’s tail twitched. louis took that as a sign to keep talking.

 

“what am i supposed to do now, oliver? i can’t run this place. not even with niall’s help.”

 

oliver started making these little sounds, almost like sobs. they could’ve been snores but louis liked to think that oliver was as hurt as he was.

 

louis was probably making all this up in his half asleep brain, but he knew that deep inside, this poor creature understood.

 

“i don’t even know where i would go if i left.”

 

louis scratched oliver behind his ears and realized that he sounded like a crazy person. who talks to their cat? well, besides harry, of course.

 

and that just made louis want harry. _crave_ him. his warm chest and gentle arms and company.

 

but louis’ list of reasons not to go to harry’s room was longer than his list of reasons to go.

 

and he couldn’t even wank because now he was sharing a bed with a cat and that was just weird.

 

god, he just missed his granny. her presence. just knowing in the back of his mind that she was there for louis whenever he needed her.

 

louis was still so tired, but sleep wasn’t the answer. it was the sort of exhaustion that a person got when they were burdened with some foreign weight on their shoulders.

 

like a whole fucking motel or bills or a cat or the knowledge that no one else in the world would ever love you the same way that your grandmother does or the reminder that she would never come back or the memory of her lifeless body or her smell in every corner of this damned place or the tears that just came out of nowhere sometimes.

 

oliver held louis until the sun rose.

 

-

 

 louis got out of bed when he smelled food.

 

he _knew_ that it wasn’t her. he knew it but he still allowed himself to hope.

 

_stupid stupid stupid._

 

when louis got to the kitchen he found harry with a spatula in his hand, his hip cocked to the side and a large stain on his jumper.

 

louis could tell the moment harry realized he was in the room because his face just kind of changed. his mouth sort of twisted into a small smile and his fucking _eyes_. his eyes just went soft.

 

“morning.”

 

louis pinched his hip, trying to hold himself together. he couldn’t say anything back without bursting into tears.

 

harry didn’t mention it, god bless him.

 

“i just wanted to cook a proper meal for everyone. i think i ate scrambled eggs for every meal of every day for a whole week after my gram passed.”

 

louis couldn’t breathe. his throat was closing up and the _smell_. real food.

 

he wanted to run from the room. run outside. run somewhere that didn’t make him feel sick.

 

but harry finally looked at him and louis could feel his very bones crumbling, his own foundation cracking into tiny pieces and “oh lou.”

 

harry wrapped himself around louis, resting his chin on top of louis’ head because harry was still a fucking giant and that would never change.

 

harry took a deep breath and louis curled in on himself, made himself small.

 

“i’m so sorry.”

 

harry’s voice shook louis’ whole body. or maybe he was shaking on his own. all he knew was that his cheeks were wet now and they weren’t before.

 

“it’s not your fault. don’t be sorry.” louis kept his nose buried in harry’s jumper. he smelled like tea and cocoa butter. louis’ chest constricted and he wished he knew why he felt like a puppet without strings. he could’ve sworn he was bleeding internally. something in there was broken.

 

“yeah. but i still am.”

 

harry was too good. he wore headbands and talked to animals and got tattoos just because they hurt. he wasn’t old enough to know how bad life gets, wasn’t old enough to know what it was like to truly hate someone. he comforted strangers and loved without care. he was reckless and beautiful and louis kind of wanted to keep him forever.

 

then the most horrible thing happened and harry burned the breakfast. luckily he smelled it before it actually caught fire. harry cursed and tried to salvage what he could. it was tragic until oliver crept into the kitchen and rubbed up against harry’s leg, making him look like some old housewife with ten cats and a magazine subscription to good housekeeping.

 

then louis felt like laughing. he almost told harry that he should put on his granny’s apron because it seemed fitting. and before louis realized how inappropriate it was to laugh at a time like this, he let out a giggle.

 

harry froze and slowly turned his head. he raised an eyebrow at louis and a smile grew on his face. he set down the pan and spatula and took a small step towards louis, looking at him through his eyelashes. it reminded louis of a tiger which made him giggle again because harry was honestly more like a baby kitten.

 

then harry suddenly jumped towards louis who shrieked because he was _tickling_ him and jesus christ.

 

louis’ body contorted like he was in the fucking circus, just trying to get away from harry’s damn fingers. harry tickled him until he was backed against the wall and everything kind of went quiet.

 

harry took louis’ chin in his freakishly big hand and tilted his head up. his eyes were greengreengreen and louis was mesmerized by the way his eyelashes brushed his cheeks when he blinked. harry bit his bottom lip, just barely. almost like it was an unconscious gesture and louis felt his cheeks get hot.

 

and then harry was leaning in and their lips were melting together all warm and soft and lazy. louis made this sound in the back of his throat because harry was so gentle. no one had ever been this gentle with louis.

 

they pulled apart and harry ran his thumb along louis’ lip, which was still tingling from the kiss. louis was so disorientated you could probably kidnap him and keep him as a sex slave and he wouldn’t notice. well not yet at least.

 

harry was looking down at louis (because louis had some difficulty with his height, so sue him) with these big earnest eyes. louis couldn’t decide if he wanted to look at his dimple or how dilated his pupils were. it was a problem, really.

 

but then harry rested his forehead against louis’ and everything was so close. louis felt breath on his cheek and hands grabbing his and when harry blinked, louis finally understood butterfly kisses. their noses nudged each other and harry smiled, small and private.

 

“you don’t have to be brave now, lou.”

 

louis swallowed. he swallowed again. there was nothing in his throat but he felt like he was swallowing glass.

 

he nodded because the glass probably cut open his throat and if he opened his mouth, he might spill blood on harry. oh, harry. honestly how did louis survive without him for more than twenty years of his life.

 

harry pecked louis’ lips and took a step back. louis wanted him to come closer. as close as he could. suffocate him. at least until louis could breathe again.

 

harry had pillow creases on the side of his face. louis spoke and no blood came out.

 

“make me breakfast, harold.”

 

harry smirked like the cheeky bastard he was and cracked another egg. louis wanted to tell the rest of the boys about how harry burned the food on his first try. maybe even about how he looked like a comfort-food-cooking-stay-at-home-mom. he wanted to smile and meet each of their eyes and laugh when they did and maybe even hold harry’s hand under the table. at least until niall caught them and kicked them both out.

 

or he could hide in his room all day. because harry gave him permission, which meant so much more to him than harry would ever know, and louis might actually really need it.

 

-

 

louis ate breakfast with the other boys. harry kept his hand on louis’ knee the whole time and niall didn’t look away from his plate once. zayn was talking like normal—trying to, at least. but only liam, and occasionally harry, responded.

 

all throughout breakfast oliver had been sitting on top of louis’ feet. what a lucky cat. man, louis wished he could curl up and just lay on somebody’s feet for the rest of his life. maybe someone with better smelling feet than louis, though.

 

louis left the table when niall cleared his plate. niall getting up was an excuse for him to do the same. they had to see that he was alright. no matter how much that made louis feel like a liar.

 

he locked himself in his room and debated trashing the place. he imagined what niall’s reaction would be. niall, who knew him so well. well enough to know that louis was not in the mood to speak to him.

 

louis pet oliver instead. pet him until the sun was high in the sky.

 

it was a beautiful day. louis was expecting rain and storms and darkness. at least that was what he thought happened when someone died. somehow the weather made him angry. why could the sky be happy when louis couldn’t.

 

why could the sky feel when louis was still numb.

 

he was just going through the motions. his sorrow felt fake. plastered onto his face like a mask. his anger at the world felt like it was made of plastic.

 

“lou?”

 

harry knocked at the door. five knocks. not too hard and not too soft. louis wondered how harry managed to have perfect knocks as well.

 

louis opened the door, oliver never straying a foot from him. he moved so harry could get through and saw that he must’ve had a shower. his hair was in tight little ringlet curls, like a halo around his head. _angel_.

 

“how are you?”

 

louis shrugged, then thought better of it. harry was so sincere and wide-eyed.

 

“m’sad. i think. can’t really feel anything. tired, i guess.”

 

harry nodded, his hair bouncing. he stuck his hand out in between them. it hovered in the air, lonely and idle until louis tangled their fingers together.

 

“wanna cuddle?” harry dug his toe into ground, twisted it around like a child, as if he expected louis to say no.

 

they lingered with their palms pressed together for a moment before settling into bed. louis sagged into the mattress and harry entwined their legs. oliver was squished somewhere in between them and louis could see harry’s fond smile out of the corner of his eye. harry noticed him peaking and nudged his nose against louis’ cheek. he felt so warm.

 

“can i ask you something?” harry asked cautiously.

 

louis’ eyebrows furrowed and he studied the way harry was biting the inside of his cheek and “sure.”

 

harry sighed, all sleepy and soft.

 

“what did you love most about her?”

 

louis squeezed his eyes shut, trying to stop the prickling behind his eyelids. his hand made a fist in harry’s t-shirt and he could almost feel harry’s brain working—attempting to come up with a way to get out of what he just asked.

 

before he could, louis spoke.

 

“she…well she meant the world to me.”

 

louis took a shaky breath and harry held him a little tighter.

 

“i told you about when i found out i was gay. well my mum was fine with it and everything. it was me who had the issues. i was so distracted. so confused. i had niall and my family and i was still so alone.”

 

harry nodded, eyes so green in the afternoon light.

 

“anyways, i ended up completely failing at school. dropped out of college. fucked up my a-levels. everything went to shit. _that’s_ what my mum got mad about. she told me to get myself a job. ‘i’ll see you again when you’ve grown up,’ she said. my granny took me in.”

 

louis could feel that emptiness in his chest. but at least it gave him something to feel. he couldn’t breathe. it was like he had rocks in his lungs. he needed harry to come closer.

 

“i just worked around the hotel at first. niall had come with me. he wouldn’t listen when i told him to go off to uni. get a proper job. it was just the three of us then. we don’t get many visitors. _didn’t._ didn’t get many visitors. sorry.”

 

harry had his lips pressed against louis’ forehead and it was like the whole planet froze around them. louis was going to cry.

 

“i loved it here. still do, i s’pose. i guess i just have to learn to love it even when my granny isn’t here.”

 

harry hummed in agreement and louis used his sleeve to wipe the corner of his eyes. there was no way he was going to stop in the middle of his story for _tears_. louis was going to get through this. he had harry. harry believed in him.

 

“i remember one time, we had a girl come in with about seven suitcases. she said her friends called her kitty and she was a vegetarian.”

 

louis chucked against harry’s neck at the memory. it sounded hollow and strange.

 

“granny, of course, didn’t understand. she kept making meals with meat and frowning when kitty picked at it. you don’t know how many times i had to explain that she just didn’t eat meat.”

 

harry was grinning. louis could feel the stretch of his cheeks. he tilted his head up to catch his eyes. they were shining so so bright. like maybe harry was made of fire or something. a whole fucking world, a whole galaxy of life and love in his eyes.

 

“granny ended up searching for answers on google. which led her to information on vegans, and not vegetarians, of fucking course. so she immediately went to the grocery store and bought enough food to feed a house of vegans for a week. but by the time she came back, kitty had checked out. we still have soy milk in the back of out fridge.”

 

harry cackled.

 

“heyyy, soy milk is actually quite good.”

 

louis just rolled his eyes and felt his heart beat a little louder. here he was. louis was right here. alive and laughing and tangled with a beautiful boy.

 

he quieted down and glanced at the ceiling thoughtfully.

 

“i’m going to have to go out there and act like i’m okay, aren’t i?”

 

harry studied him seriously. his hair was nearly dry and his cheeks seemed flushed.

 

“you don’t have to do anything that you don’t want to do. it’s not your job to put on a show or whatever. you don’t owe them anything.”

 

louis really appreciated that. fuck, those three sentences made his head feel lighter already. but harry was so wrong.

 

“that’s not exactly true though, is it? i mean i have to care for them. they’re my guests, harry. there _my_ guests now.”

 

“but they would understand. they _do_ understand.”

 

louis smiled softly. of course they would understand. but that didn’t give louis and excuse to be an ass and hide out for the rest of his sad life. he rolled out of bed, extending a hand to harry.

 

“come with me?”

 

harry kissed oliver on the nose and stumbled along with louis into the hallway.

 

-

 

getting back on track with niall had been easy. all it really took was a hug and a pat on the back and they were closer than before.

 

louis was just so used to the booming laugh and bright smile and dirty fingernails, hugging him was like coming home.

 

zayn had just grinned through smoky lips and winked at the place where harry’s hand rested against louis’ hip.

 

when louis knocked gently on liam’s door, it was different.

 

he tried to act nonchalant. like he was just collecting dirty sheets and making sure everything was going okay.

 

when, in reality, he was proving that he could handle this. that he was strong and he could deal with big things.

 

liam just sighed and pulled him into a hug.

 

it was so alien. liam was not short, not at all. he wasn’t nearly as tall as harry but he was warm and muscular.

 

“my girlfriend died, louis.”

 

and, what.

 

“wha-liam?”

 

then louis was pushing them into his room and closing the door gently and staring at liam like he didn’t hear him correctly because _what_.

 

“sh-i, um. she had cancer.”

 

liam was fucking crying. but it was like the tears couldn’t leave his eyes. they just sat there making him look young and watery.

 

“shit liam.”

 

louis had to whisper. he couldn’t even speak properly.

 

“it wasn’t that bad at first. the doctors said she had years. but then it was like everything went wrong. there was more and more cancer. always more. never good news.”

 

now the tears fell. louis felt his shoulders tremble and it was like he wasn’t alone. he was crazy for ever thinking he was alone because he was not the only one who felt this way.

 

“she was so fucking beautiful. she was like this angel. better than i ever deserved. and she was so brave. even when she had been handed this awful disease, she never once asked ‘why me?’ i loved her. oh my god i love her so much.”

 

liam just kind of collapsed in louis’ arms and they held each other. two boys who were shaking and sad and not nearly as alone as they felt.

 

“i’m so stupid, louis. i ran away. we were supposed to get married. but then she was gone and i couldn’t handle the empty house. i didn’t know what to do.”

 

“you are no coward, liam.”

 

and it was true. liam was standing, laughing, living. louis could barely handle an hour without his granny.

 

liam breathed deep and took a small step back.

 

“but i’m so afraid.”

 

“that’s okay. you’re allowed to be afraid. you’re still the bravest person i know.”

 

liam’s whole face lit up and louis could fly right now, he really could.

 

-

 

dinner was strange.

 

they ate early, only bothering to order a pizza and drink old beers.

 

and louis really felt like he might be alright. like there was some kind of hope in the air and harry kept looking at him with this _pride_ in his eyes. it was absolutely beautiful.

 

then the screen door squeaked open and a man in a suit walked in.

 

“louis tomlinson?” he asked.

 

it only took that for the other boys to surround him, like they were fucking magnets, moving in sync, and they knew exactly when the others needed help.

 

harry was the first to rush to his side. his arm wound around louis’ waist and his breath tickled his ear.

 

niall took his place in the front, next to liam. they stood, ready to pounce or snarl or punch the shit out of someone. zayn remained behind them, a silent presence, but he never left. never faltered. always ready if someone were to attack from behind.

 

they were like a pack of wolves. they were like a family. they were like one soul split into five bodies. it was bizarre and unsettling.

 

“that’s me.” louis squeaked. he was terrified.

 

the man nodded. he seemed heavy. like he had been though too much and it was pulling him down towards the ground.

 

“hello, mr. tomlinson. i have your grandmother’s last will and testament.”

 

louis inhaled sharply. the sound was heard distinctly in the silence that followed. harry’s grip tightened and louis was slowly becoming numb again.

 

he nodded and stepped in front of niall and liam, out of the protection of the other four boys.

 

“we can talk on the porch. would you like some tea?”

 

the man shook his head. louis was grateful. his hands were shaking too much to make tea.

 

it was chilly outside, and louis really wished harry was here. why didn’t he fucking bring harry here?

 

it was so hard to listen. to pay attention to everything the man was saying. because louis _knew_ already.

 

louis knew what granny had left him and it was too much. everything was so much.

 

he was handed papers with small print that looked blurry from his leaking eyes. he blindly shook hands with the man and then he was alone on the darkening porch.

 

he wobbled when he stood. shoving the papers into his pocket, louis stepped back inside.

 

all eyes turned to him. they looked so curious and innocent and louis was going to be sick. like proper sick, all over the floor.

 

“well? what happened?”

 

it was probably niall who had spoken. louis couldn’t breathe.

 

he turned to look at harry, sent him a look of alarm. of helplessness. harry was curled up on the couch, biting his fingernails and his eyebrows seemed permanently creased.

 

 harry saw it. of course he did. harry knew that louis was going to bolt like a frightened deer before he actually did bolt like a frightened deer.

 

“lou?” he whispered. pleading with him. _don’t do it_.

 

“i.” louis blinked.

 

then louis ran.

 

-

 

he made it all the way into town before he slowed to a walk. the sky was getting dark, the moon peaking out already.

 

louis was panting and so alone. he knew harry had run after him. maybe niall had too. maybe all four of them were running around looking for him.

 

but louis couldn’t handle it anymore. that whole hotel was more like a prison now and he could still feel those papers in his pocket.

 

the hotel was his now. that’s what granny had given him. the hotel and a shitload of money and a cat.

 

oh that fucking cat was probably crying and scratching at granny’s door.

 

louis rubbed at his temples and came to a halt when he reached a bus stop.

 

he boarded the next bus that came and he didn’t look back when it started driving away from all he had left in life.

 

-

 

harry got on the bus at the next stop.

 

louis couldn’t even be surprised to see him because of course he fucking found him. harry always seemed to find louis.

 

harry was out of breath but he looked so relieved when he saw louis, who was hunched over in his seat, about ready to throw a tantrum and then never speak to anyone ever again.

 

harry sat himself down silently in the seat next to him.

 

neither one acknowledged the other. louis just stared out the window. it was late and he wondered how much longer the bus would be in service.

 

he could stay here forever, really. as long as he never had to go back to that hotel or have any responsibilities ever again.

 

then harry grabbed his hand and laced their fingers together. he took a steady breath and licked his lips.

 

“so. where are we going?”

 

and louis couldn’t even believe this. despite all of this shit that louis had going on, harry was still coming along for the ride.

 

it was like harry was some perfect creature, sent to the earth just for louis. it was like he was some kind of guardian angel and louis didn’t even know what to do with himself.

 

louis fucking loved him.

 

it had been only days and those days may have been the absolute worst of louis’ life and harry was still here and louis loved him so much.

 

“i think i might love you.”

 

oh my god, louis was so stupid. his cheeks went red seconds after the words left his lips.

 

harry smiled softly and he stared at where their hands were connected like it was the most fascinating thing he’d ever seen.

 

“i know.” he said simply.

 

and, okay.

 

harry met his eyes, then. neither looked away and harry’s eyes were so green and wide and earnest.

 

“but it’s okay,” harry blinked lazily, “because i think i might love you too.”

 

and then louis smiled and it was like maybe the world wasn’t ending. maybe everything would be alright.

 

the bus driver cleared his throat awkwardly.

 

“where are you two headed? it’s the end of the line, want me to drop you off somewhere?”

 

harry watched louis expectantly.

 

“where do you want to go, lou?”

 

and louis could tell that harry would follow him around the world, if it came to that.

 

but louis just pecked harry’s cheek and “let’s go home.”

 

-

 

as soon as louis even stepped foot onto the hotel lawn, niall was rushing out the door and through the grass and right into louis’ arms.

 

“you fucker.”

 

niall couldn’t even make himself sound angry, he was so pleased. he held on to louis unbearably tight and oh my god louis was stupid.

 

he was so stupid to ever think to run away.

 

like he could even survive without niall.

 

and then that damn cat was rubbing against louis’ leg and licking his ankles.

 

“i’m sorry, niall.”

 

niall just sighed, shook his head and finally finally let louis go. and “let’s go inside.”

 

louis scooped up oliver and tried not to coo when he nuzzled his head against louis’ chest. niall was speaking softly to harry while louis walked ahead. it sounded like _thankyouthankyouthankyou_.

 

the fireplace was roaring and there was a record playing in the background. zayn was reading another poetry book and liam was staring, just staring, into the fire.

 

they both looked up when they heard the door open and then louis was squished between them in a group hug with this cat in his arms and everything was so warm and easy.

 

“apparently running away doesn’t work.”

 

louis tried to joke but his voice sounded thick. liam offered him a small smile. it hurt. it hurt to see that because louis knew it wasn’t even pity. it was understanding and that was something he wouldn’t wish upon anyone in this situation, let alone liam.

 

niall and harry walked in and they all just kind of squeezed onto the couch together—arms pressed against arms pressed against thighs pressed against thighs.

 

harry had louis half in his lap and oliver was trying to crawl inside louis’ shirt and niall had a leg draped over one of liam’s and zayn (still holding the book) was lounging on top of all four of them and it was like a fucking human pyramid. they were like koalas or cats or a group of some other cuddly animal. they were like best friends.

 

the record player cackled and the fire burned orange and the boys yawned.

 

it was warm. like if warmth was a place, this was it.

 

louis woke up about an hour later to harry lifting him off the couch. niall was snoring against liam’s shoulder and zayn was gently removing himself from the boys, trying not to disturb liam, who was also fast asleep.

 

louis groaned and harry ran a hand through his hair while easily carrying him towards his room and _holy shit harry was strong_.

 

he opened the door and set louis down on the bed tenderly.

 

louis was so tired and sluggish but he was able to whine out harry’s name and reach for him. well, he tried to reach for him. that part might have been a dream.

 

harry laughed breathlessly and curved his body into louis’ side, pulling a blanket over them and humming until louis couldn’t keep his eyes open anymore.

 

-

 

the next few days were _hard_.

 

louis was kidding himself if he thought they were easy.

 

sure, he smiled a little more and he had got out of bed every morning. but that was only because he woke up to a gorgeous boy and niall started wearing his polka dotted rainboots again and zayn read poetry out loud a whole lot.

 

and then there was liam who looked like he might actually be enjoying himself here. he was asking questions and cracking jokes and it was absolutely amazing to witness. louis was delighted.

 

but there were some moments when louis felt like a little kid again and he just wanted to shrink until no one could see him anymore.

 

it was when he thought too much. when he showered or when it rained. when he was washing dishes with niall laughing in the distance and he turned to say something, to make a comment about anything to his granny, only to realize she wasn’t there.

 

then he would curl into a ball on the ground and hold his knees to his chest, trying to keep himself together.

 

it was usually harry who found him. and harry would frown and let louis cry on his shoulder or carry him to bed so they could cuddle.

 

louis knew it wasn’t easy.

 

and he wasn’t expecting it to be.

 

but he had harry so he was okay for now.

 

-

 

zayn and liam planned to leave on the same day.

 

louis didn’t really want to think about it.

 

zayn had decided what he was going to tell his girlfriend because he had a life and a future and now he had his shit together. louis told him again and again that there was always a home for him here.

 

liam had a funeral to plan. he stumbled over his words while inviting louis and they just held each other for a little bit. he said he might visit his mum for a few days. liam was stronger than all of them.

 

niall bought beer and marshmallows for the last night. he had already set up the campfire and tuned his guitar and said his goodbyes. niall had always been like that, moving forwards without ever really looking back.

 

harry hadn’t said anything about leaving, actually. he hardly ever left louis’ side and louis would be forever thankful for that. harry was just this ball of light. he was never too bright, though. louis could look at him without going blind or burning up. it was when harry smiled or laughed that louis felt his cheeks heat up like he might never breathe right again.

 

-

 

on the last day, louis decided to be stupid and brave.

 

last days seemed to do that to people.

 

he turned the handle gently and pushed open the door. as silently as he could, he stepped into his grandmother’s room and shut the door behind him. he didn’t want oliver coming in and sniffing everything and meowing out in sorrow for granny. louis was sad enough.

 

the smell was everywhere.

 

that was the part that louis wished he could forget.

 

her room was exactly as she had left it. her perfume sat on a table near the window and her clothes were hung neatly in her closet. the bed wasn’t made. louis should make the bed.

 

he slowly stepped forward, and pulled the sheets into place. he tucked them under the mattress, biting his lip hard. with shaking hands, he smoothed out the pillows.

 

that was better. that’s how granny would have wanted it.

 

louis inhaled and he knew that he would eventually have to clean the room out. maybe he would take harry with him. harry seemed to make him stronger. _better_. harry made him better in general.

 

before he could start crying, louis hurried out of the room.

 

harry was brewing some tea in the kitchen while niall, zayn and liam started the fire outside.

 

louis immediately ran into his arms. harry seemed surprised, but held him nonetheless. harry must have smelled it. he must have smelled the grandmother all over louis’ clothes because he pecked his forehead and smiled sweetly.

 

“i’m so proud of you, louis. i love you so much.”

 

or maybe harry just loved louis a whole lot.

 

-

 

once the sun had set, the five boys, one cat and a dog all huddled together around the campfire in the front lawn.

 

they were full from a lovely dinner (thanks to harry) and fuzzy from a few beers (thanks to niall).

 

crickets chirped loud in their ears, like a song that was desperate to be heard, and the fire blazed a good three feet in the air.

 

each boy had a chair and a wool blanket and a ton of room around the fire to sit but they pushed their chairs close together. so close that they could easily ruffle each other’s hair or give them a goodhearted punch on the arm. harry held louis’ hand, rubbing his thumb over his knuckles and playing with his fingers.

 

they roasted marshmallows and watched loki jump around until he exhausted himself.

 

it was a cool night, but it wasn’t cold. their laughter warmed the air immensely.

 

“time for a song, boys.” niall smiled, all cheeks and teeth and happy.

 

he picked up his guitar and strummed and it was like the night welcomed the sound.

 

louis was on his fifth beer, so he thought he had a nice excuse for climbing onto harry’s lap. he curled himself up against his chest and breathed in. harry wrapped his arms around louis, held him closer.

 

they were all singing. making up words or trying to recall the right words to actual songs.

 

niall lost it when zayn started rapping. he took a ten minute break just to laugh into his hand.

 

louis thought it looked like niall might be wearing liam’s jumper. not that he was in any position to judge—he had harry’s jumper drooping down off his own shoulder.

 

harry tried to tell a scary story but he ended up giving it a happy ending, which. of course harry would do that. louis rolled his eyes. _jesus_.

 

niall groaned and chucked a marshmallow at harry’s face, somehow missing and hitting louis instead, even though he was only about two feet away.

 

louis gasped like niall had done something awful like ruined his favorite pair of trousers or ate all his sweets.

 

louis plucked the marshmallow up and promptly threw it back at niall, which turned into a full blown food fight and had the boys cracking up and oliver nosing curiously at the white balls on the ground.

 

it grew quiet, then.

 

the stars looked so bright and they reflected wonderfully off harry’s wide eyes. louis couldn’t catch his breath. then liam spoke.

 

“thank you, louis.”

  

louis tilted his head at the boy, who was wrapped ridiculously in his thick blanket and had loki dozing off in his lap.

 

“why are you thanking me?”

 

liam smiled like louis was the most oblivious person ever.

 

“you don’t realize how much you’ve helped me. i’ve changed so much just from a few days here and i feel like i should thank you for that.”

 

zayn nodded seriously. “yeah. thanks, louis. honestly.”

 

and, no. _no_. louis didn’t even do anything. these past few days had basically been louis crying and cuddling with harry.

 

but then harry was holding him tighter and biting his lip shyly and thanking him and louis couldn’t believe this. harry, who had saved louis. who had just showed up and never really left.

 

“you guys are insane. i’ve done pretty much nothing. i should be the one thanking _you_ , not the other way around.”

 

then they were all ganging up on louis and insisting that he deserved the credit because, as niall liked to put it, “louis is a pretty great lad, isn’t he?”

 

louis was just so lucky. he was so fucking lucky.

 

this was home, right here with these boys, at this place.

 

louis knew it now, on their last day, and he knew it from that time they all danced together to old records, which felt like years ago.

 

this was where they belonged and he knew he could never forget these friends he had made at this home away from home.

 

for everything he had lost, he had gained twice as much and louis had never felt so whole.

 

liam and zayn may be leaving, but they would come back. they would go live their lives as better people and come around for a beer or an early morning breakfast and they would find louis here, at this old hotel, still gluing people back together.

 

niall might be here too, or maybe louis would finally convince him to go find a job. but either way, niall would always visit with music and alcohol and a sunny smile. and louis would tell his future children all about the polka dotted rainboots.

 

harry didn’t seem to be going anywhere. louis was too scared to ask but maybe he could just stay here forever. maybe he wouldn’t have to worry about his dickhole neighbor anymore. maybe he wouldn’t have to worry about anything.

 

he already fit right in, was the thing. harry was already a part of the inn and louis couldn’t even do anything about it. harry belonged here.

 

and louis loved him.

 

it wasn’t a shocking thought anymore. louis loved harry and it felt like an extra part of him had been found. like maybe he had discovered a place in his heart that had been meant for harry this whole time. and he had only recently realized it was there.

 

louis blushed and hid his face in harry’s neck while the other boys laughed and bantered and relished just a little bit more in each other’s company before they had to separate.

 

they had fixed each other a while ago. now they were just humoring themselves.

 

louis wanted to say something, anything, to show his appreciation, but his tongue felt heavy in his mouth.

 

the fire had died down to just glowing embers and louis was running out of time.

 

he wasn’t, really. it’s not like he would never be able to speak to these boys again, he had gotten their numbers, after all.

 

but it felt like he should say something now. on the last day.

 

he breathed in shakily.

 

“i feel like— _fuck_. i feel like, um, _shit_ i’m not good at this. i think we were, like, meant to meet or something. like fate. i dunno. it’s like, just. thank you, guys. these past few days have been hell, but i’ve smiled and lived a little easier just from your support. i just want to. well, i mean. thanks. you know?”

 

liam and zayn smiled goofily and niall let out an “awww” and harry kissed the spot behind louis’ ear that always made him melt into a puddle of goo.

 

and the group hug that followed louis’ words and the sappy grins and giggles sounded a little bit like _we love you too, louis. we love you too._

**Author's Note:**

> ILY KATIE I HOPE YOU LIKED IT EVEN THOUGH IT SUCKS PLS COMMENT BYE


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